Merry Christmas

My Christmas wish for you, my friend

Is not a simple one

For I wish you hope and joy and peace

Days filled with warmth and sun

I wish you love and friendship too

Throughout the coming year

Lots of laughter and happiness

To fill your world with cheer

May you count your blessings, one by one

And when totaled by the lot

May you find all you've been given

To be more than what you sought

May your journeys be short, your burdens light

May your spirit never grow old

May all your clouds have silver linings

And your rainbows pots of gold

I wish this all and so much more

May all your dreams come true

May you have a Merry Christmas friend

And a happy New Year, too ..

anon

Thursday December 13th

Yesterday morning the turkeys came right up to the house, they had no idea what a big mistake that could have been! The one below just knew 'something' wasn't right. She was looking right at the window.

Poor Tux was having a fit! He was so excited he was shaking. He'd go to the gun rack, look at it, look at me, look at it, look at me, and whine. He didn't understand why we didn't 'get one'. You can see in the pic he's got a death grip on the windowsill with his claws. Too funny.

Monday December 10th

The wildlife has been super active the last couple of weeks. I've been seeing the same 2 doe deer from the previous picture most days, sometimes with a 3rd and sometimes there's a young buck with them. (I didn't have a doe tag and don't shoot baby bucks). Lots of cool birds at the birdfeeders - woodpeckers, goldfinch, chickadee, nuthatch, titmouse, junco, and I saw 8 bluebirds fighting over my 2 bluebird houses. The wild turkey have been feeding in the garden for hours a day but the last 2 days they've come right into the yard. The pics aren't too clear because of the fog but you can see how close they are.

Saturday December 8th

With the leaves gone you can watch the sunset from the front porch now. Here's a nice one.

Not much going on, the weather is cruddy. Rainy and gloomy since tuesday and it looks like the sun won't come out till next thursday. Ugh. The temps are all over the place - highs from low 40s to high 60s and lows from low 30s to high 50s. When it's warm enough I've been working on cleaning and organizing the shop so I can use it. That's a big job that'll take awhile.

The 2nd hunting season ended last sunday and I didn't get a deer. Bad weather, other things to do and a lot of laziness on my part. Some days I didn't go out because I just didn't feel like facing the aftermath if I did get one. I need to hunt harder during the christmas hunt or learn to bow hunt (bow season is oct 1 - feb 30) if I don't want to eat grocery store meat for the next year. Yuck!

Now that hunting season is over Tux and I can go back to taking our afternoon walks. Poor pup was bored to death being cooped up in the house but I didn't want to disrupt the habitat during the season.

Friday November 30th

Gus and Colleen are the couple who came and took the shed, Gus is an avid photographer and took bunches of photos of our demolition project. He's posted them on the web and you can see them here: http://picasaweb.google.com/Dragon43/Cedar
Make sure to click on the slideshow - the captions are great!

Wednesday November 28th

Look what was waiting on my doorstep last wednesday morning......a copperhead! Eeeeek! I put on my rubber boots, grabbed a shovel, and he's in snake heaven now.

It's been a pretty sucky week. Thursday, friday, saturday, sunday, and monday were cold, windy, and rainy so I was stuck in the house with serious cabin fever. Coco (the 11 year old german shepherd) has been going down for weeks and died friday night. I buried her saturday morning. Now it's just me, Tux, and Cheyenne. Sigh.

On the good side - the weather has been gorgeous the last 2 days and the old shed in the front yard is gone. I put it on Freecycle http://www.freecycle.org/ for the wood and had a nice couple come out and get it. We spent the last 2 days tearing it down. (whew, I'm sore!). All that's left is a burn pile and shingles to haul off and I'll have a nice spot in the yard instead of an eyesore.

To make up for the ugly snake pic - here's a pretty moonrise at sunset from the backyard.....

Monday November 19th

This was the view out the back window this morning. The first hunting season ended yesterday. I swear, critters keep a calendar too. The only other deer I've seen in the last 2 weeks was last thursday when the wind was howling about 40mph. I didn't even think about going out because deer HATE the wind. Walked past the back window about 5pm and there were 3 of them prancing around the garden. I think they're laughing at me. Heh.

Wednesday November 14th

I haven't seen any deer yet but I haven't been hunting too much. The weather is terrible for hunting, hot (78 yesterday!) and super windy. The season ends sunday then restarts the 22nd to Dec 2. After that there's only the 3 day christmas hunt.

The picture is the view from my tripod stand in the middle woods, overlooking the garden area. You can't see the fruit trees at this time of year but they're in there.

Friday November 9th

November 2006

Deer season opens tomorrow, I'll be out hunting bright and early. Here's a pic of Mike and a nice 8 point he got last year. Maybe next post I'll have one of my own. Can't believe it's been almost 9 years since I shot a deer. I guess having someone else to bring home the meat makes you a lazy hunter.

We had our first freeze tuesday night, other than that it's been pretty nice. I've been mostly doing yard work lately. The leaves fall faster than I can clean them up but I don't want it piling up and having a huge mess later. And I started working on the middle woods, it was 'almost' cleaned up a year ago but now it's full of branches and vines again. Hopefully it'll look like the back yard one day and I'll have continous yard down to the garden instead of yard/woods/garden. Or not. Ha.

Saturday November 3rd

Last weekend I went to an after birthday spa retreat with Roxann (and Tux) at Lake Ouachita. It was great and a beautiful place. Thanks Mom! Here's a pic of me and Tux on the lake shore.

The weather this week has been perfect. Sunny and 60s every day. I've had a lot of running around to do but even that was pleasant because the drive to almost anywhere is just gorgeous right now with the fall colors. Funny, last weekend there were hardly any colors but now all of a sudden - wow.

Wednesday October 31st

Yikes, it's been almost 2 weeks since I reported in. Sorry about that.
The craft fair weekend before last was really nice. And it was Huge! We wore ourselves out seeing it all. Lots of beautiful handmade stuff. I have to say though, except for the woodturners (who had gorgeous bowls and vases), none of the woodworkers I saw had anything that compared to the beauty and quality of what Mike made.

Last week the weather was horrid every single day. Rain, howling wind, and cold. Ugh. I didn't get much done. This week so far is lovely. Sunny and mid 60s - low 70s.

Thursday October 18th

Well, I finished painting the bedroom finaly. It looks much better, but even if it didn't I wouldn't redo it. What a pain that job was! I'm glad it's fixed though, it'd been bugging me since day one.
Now I need to catch up on the yard work but monday it poured all day, tuesday I ran errands, and yesterday it rained all day again. Last night it REALLY stormed and this morning the yard is just covered in tree debris. Hopefully it'll dry up enough today or tomorrow to clean it up.

This weekend I'm going to the War Eagle Craft Fair with Roxann. Should be fun, it's the biggest craft fair in the state. http://www.beaverlake.com/wareagle/wareagle.htm

Sunday when I was in the bedroom painting Tux started barking so I looked out the back window to see what was up. There was a huge buck deer just standing in the backyard. He took off before I could grab the camera though - I "almost" had a nice picture for today.

Thanks for the song y'all ::::::smile:::::::

Friday October 12th

43 degrees this morning. Brrrr. It's been windy and cool this week so I started redoing the bedroom walls. I did a hurried and cruddy job the first time and the paint color was horrid, I've been wanting to redo it since day one. So far I've primed and retextured (hopefully it'll look like plaster when I'm done). Today I'll start the actual painting.
Starting tomorrow it should be warm again.

The seismic crews are finaly gone. I was seriously annoyed! The crew were mexicans who pretended they didn't speak english and kept trespassing every time I wasn't looking, even though I told them they couldn't. I managed to ambush one and give him a note to tell his boss to come talk to me. He knew enough english to tell his boss that there was a Scary Mad Lady. Heh.

Sunday October 7th

Yesterday I went over to my friend Roxann's place in the midst of the Ozarks. It's gorgeous up there. 3 1/2 hour drive but some of the best scenery there is. We went for a hike on her mountain and here's a picture of her by one of the rocks. There's several more like that. Wow.

Nothing much going on here. General day to day stuff.

Tuesday October 2nd

Gerald & Jody

I was looking in my files for a photo to post and found this cute one of Gerald and Jody that I took at the farm last month.

Not much going on. I finished painting the floor, from tan to hunter green. Looks much better, goes with the wall color and with the new rugs I got really accents the furniture Mike built. It does show every single doggie paw print though. Inbetween paint coats I've been doing yardwork. Next paint project is the bedroom (indoors) or the window sills and side porch (outdoors).

Haven't seen any more deer - or anything else - lately but it's been full moon so they're probably coming out at night. And there's been siesmic crews swarming everywhere disrupting the habitat. (a huge natural gas field was found in the area - they're drilling all over). Hopefully they'll be out of the neighborhood soon.

Wednesday September 26th

Backyard, Middle Woods and Garden Area

(way in the back, through the woods)

Monday I went to Conway to bring the fold-up wheelchair to the Hospice office. It was sad but hopefully someone needy will enjoy it.
While I was in town I stopped at Lowes and picked up paint, a chainsaw blade, tin snips, and a stovepipe cleaning brush. Obviously I have some fun stuff ahead of me. Ha.
Yesterday I started painting the living room/kitchen floor. Moved everything to the center and painted the rest. 2 coats. It's been raining since yesterday afternoon so this morning the paint is sticky. Guess I'll have to wait another day to move furniture back and paint the middle. Ugh.

It's getting to be that time of year - last week I set up the corn feeders and sunday evening there were eight deer in the middle woods and the garden area. One looked like a nice buck but it was getting dark so I couldn't tell for sure. Planting the winter grass in the garden is on my to-do-soon list. Don't want the critters to go hungry over the winter.

Sunday September 23rd

Floyd's Pond

I meant to check in sooner than this, time just gets away from me. Not much interesting going on just general day to day stuff.

Oh, Floyds place is officially for sale now -
http://www.idxvow.com/cgi-bin/pman/brockre/vlm.cgi?view=res.cgi&show=yes&id100=847
Anyone want to be my neighbor? :::smile:::

Late every afternoon I take Tux for a walk, last sunday we walked to Floyd's pond and it just looked perfect for fishing so monday I brought my fishing pole and fished awhile. Brought home eight nice Brim and threw back at least twice that many small fish, brim, goggle-eye, and bass.

Speaking of walks, the other day the girls (Coco - 11, and Cheyenne - 14) were hopping up and down like puppies so I let them come too. We went down to the garden to check the fruit trees. The dogs were milling around the corn feeder and I was standing at the edge of the garden looking over the clear cut. I looked down and not 10 feet away was a Doe deer laying in the brush staring right at me! She must have had a baby with her or she would have left when she heard us coming. So I called the dogs away and we went back to the house. I didn't want them seeing and chasing her.

Thursday September 13th

I've been trying to decide what to do with the blog.
I guess I'm going to keep it since everyone already has the address and it's a great way to share pictures. (If anyone wants to save any of the pictures on your own computer just right-click then select 'save as'). And if anyone wants to keep up with my doings they can check here, but it won't be daily updates - I just don't have that much interesting to say.
In the last month I've mostly been getting things in order after months of neglect. Yardwork, housework, paperwork. Still not caught up.
Went to Louisiana for a week to visit family, got back last wednesday night. It stormed all thursday, friday, and saturday and rained all sunday and monday. We desperately needed it, everything outside was suffering from heat and drought. Since tuesday the weather has been perfect, low 60s at night and low 80s daytime. Hard to believe winter is just around the corner already.

Saturday August 25th

It's hard to believe it's been 12 days since Mike passed. It seems like 5 minutes ago and yet it seems like an eternity. When I think of where he is now and what he's doing, I always think of this picture.

Tuesday

Most of you know by now that Mike has died. Monday at 3pm. He went the easiest possible way considering his condition. In his sleep and in no pain.
I want everyone to know that we sincerely appreciated all the kind words and prayers these last few months. They meant more to us than you'll ever realize.
Also, if anyone was considering sending flowers or anything else, I’d rather the money be spent instead on a donation to either of the following in his name (Michael Bourque). They were extremely kind, caring, and helpful in our time of need:

Arkansas Hospice Foundation
5600 West 12th Street
Little Rock, AR 72204
Attn: Pat Williams

Fr Bill Elser
St Jude Catholic Church
250 Woodlawn Dr
Fairfield Bay, AR 72088

Love, Dena

Monday Morning

Mike was restless last night. Poor guy just wants to Get Out Of Bed. He finaly slept well from 11:30 - 3:30. He's sleeping again now but his breathing is bubbly. I'll be calling the nurse at 8 to make sure she comes out this morning, not afternoon.

More.....

Grand Canyon - August 2002

Forgot to mention, today is our anniversary, 5 years. I'm grateful he stayed with me for it. Here's our favorite honeymoon pic. I'd rather he be remembered like this than the previous pictures.

Sunday Afternoon

Mike's been sleeping most of the day. When he's awake he's forgotten he's sick and forgotten his legs don't work anymore. He wants to get up and do things. I convinced him to let me put the other side rail on the bed and he's okay with it. (for now). He hasn't had anything except sips of water since friday.

Sunday AM

My friend Roxann came yesterday, this morning she's out running errands for me. After the friday crew it's a blessing to have someone here that's calm and helpful.
Mike slept off and on all yesterday but he stayed stressed and anxious, it takes a while for him to calm down and relax after he gets over stressed and excited. Around 9pm he started relaxing and by 11 he was sound asleep. He had a good sleep till this morning. Woke up to take his medicine and he's back asleep now.

Saturday Afternoon

I was way overstressed and exausted earlier so I called my friend Roxann to come and sit with me. She'll be here any minute and stay overnight.
Mike is still sleeping off and on. He'll probably sleep all day and night now that he can rest.

Saturday AM

Hey Betty and Crystal, thanks for the kind comments, it's nice to know I'm not the only one pissed off. And yeah, you'd expect a little more consideration from a mom towards her dying son.
They left at 8:30 this morning and Mike's been sleeping ever since.
We had a rough night, he was agitated the whole time. He went to sleep at 12:30, popped back up at 1:30, went back to sleep at 2:30, popped back up at 3. Went back to sleep the last time at 4:30 and up at 6.
Forgot to mention, Mike did drink 3 Ensure yesterday.

Friday

A house full of women hovering over Mike. Mike was sound asleep when they got here about 8:30, he woke around 10am, then never really rested again despite the sleeping pill at 2.

At 9:30 pm Mike's mom was sitting at the counter chatting with her sister and I asked if she'd be going to bed soon. She looked at me like I was nuts and didn't answer. (I'd had the conversation earlier about her not keeping Mike up all night this time). I turned off all the lights except the kitchen and a lamp in the living room, settled Mike in his bed, etc. Ignored her and waited. At 10 she said they could turn off the kitchen light so Mike could rest. I said NO, it's not the light that keeps him up, it's the people. With us sleeping in the living room, we can't go to bed until everyone else does. (duh!) As soon as you go to bed I'll turn the light off and he'll rest. They went to bed at 11. It took till 12:30 before Mike was able to relax and rest. (he gets stressed and anxious with too much commotion and it takes awhile for him wind down and relax).
I'm worn out and cranky.
Rant over.

Thursday PM

Mike had a good rest earlier, and he drank another Ensure when he woke up. (that's 3 today). He's been pretty perky since but talking nonsense.
I convinced mom and all to stay in a motel in Conway tonight and come out in the morning. They would have gotten here at around 11pm and probably kept him up for hours visiting then expected him to have a full day of visiting tomorrow. He's not up to that and I'm not going to let anyone wear him out. It may sound bitchy but Mike is my 1st and only concern.

Thursday Afternoon

Mike is doing much better than this morning. He drank 2 Ensure so far today. He was lucid and said prayers with the priest. He's sound asleep now.
Had a call from his cousin Monique and she's driving Mike's mom and 2 aunts up. They should be here about 10 tonight. (I won't be letting mom exaust him this time though. She'll have a strict bedtime).

Thursday A.M.

Mike is failing so fast. Tuesday morning he sat on the porch and chatted with the chaplin. Tuesday afternoon he sat on his bed and talked to the nurse. Tuesday night I thought I was going to lose him. Wednesday he talked to the nurse. He's been pretty much incoherent since but at least he's in bed (more or less) resting.
Monday I went grocery shopping and he was fine on his own, as of wednesday I'm afraid to leave him alone even for a few minutes.
Last week it looked like he had months left, now it looks like days, at most weeks.
I called the chaplin this morning to ask for someone to come and say the proper catholic prayers over him.

I turned off the ringer on the phone so it won't wake him. If anyone needs to call, use the cell number.

Wednesday

Mike stayed in bed today. He's too weak to get up. The hospice nurse came by with a prescription for a sleeping pill. She's hoping it'll make him actually rest and then maybe he'll want to drink enough Ensure to keep him going. He didn't have anything today except a few sips of water when he took his pills. A hospice aide will be coming daily starting tomorrow in case he'll be open to someone besides me coaxing him.

Tuesday

The hospice chaplin came by this morning, the hospice nurse came by this afternoon.
Mike had 1 Ensure today. 250 calories. Not enough to keep a baby bird alive.

Monday

Mike came outside for a little while this morning in his new chair while I mowed. It got too hot though so he rested during the afternoon and I grocery shopped. Temps for the rest of the week 100-102.

I've been pleading with him to take some nourishment and rest. He tells me 'later' or 'not right now'. I don't know what to do. He won't lay down, he sits on his footstool almost 24 hours a day. His only food anymore is 1-3 Ensure drinks. (usually 2 - that's 500 calories).

Sunday

LeeRay, Mike & Damon

Donald & Mike

Saturday

LeeRay, Damon, Mike, Donald

Friends LeeRay, Damon & Donald drove up from Louisiana. It was great to see them but sad for me and I'm sure for them too. You can't look at Mike anymore and not see that he's dying. The old Mike fades away a little more each day.

Friday

Nothing interesting going on. Caught up on household stuff, ran a few errands. Mike is the same.

Thursday

Mike was still feeling stressed so I called the hospice nurse about the oxygen and she told me how to set it up. He's feeling a little better now.

The hospice chaplin called and wanted to come out and interview us. I told him the week has been too hectic and we weren't really up to a visit so he'll plan his visit for next week.

I spent the day sitting by the phone waiting on a call about delivery of the electric wheel chair. They called at 4:30 and I went to town to pick it up. The boxes were way heavier than I thought and I almost couldn't drag them into the house, but did. I'll try to put it together in the morning.

Wednesday

Wednesday we had the hospice social worker come by. He'll be coming over once a month to check on us.
Later I went to town and found a lightweight fold-up wheelchair that I can put in the backseat of the truck.
Mike was feeling stressed and asked me to hook up the oxygen but I couldn't figure out how to work the machinery.

Tuesday

Hospice came with the bed, etc. I spent the morning moving furniture to make room. Then spent the evening moving furniture again till I got it right. Ha.

My friend Roxann came to visit too, it was great to see her and have a little girl time.

Monday

November 2006

Mike's Birthday. He got cards from all of his favorite people. That was great.

The Hospice nurse came by for her first visit, she's very nice. She ordered him a hospital bed, oxygen, a walker, and I forgot what else. She'll be coming by once a week (for now) to check on his condition, medicine, etc.

Sunday

Quiet day. Mike is looking and feeling a little better now that he's over the exaustion of 2 days at the hospital. The Hospice lady is coming out for the first visit monday.

Saturday

Las Vegas - August 2002

So. Now that we've recovered from the trauma of what the doctor told us we've realized what a good thing it is that Mike won't be spending the rest of his time going back and forth to Little Rock and suffering through treatments and exausting trips. We're relieved the doctor didn't try to keep him until the bitter end. We're free now to appreciate the rest of the time we have together.

A Timely Article

Cancer's Unexpected Blessings
When you enter the Valley of the Shadow of Death, things change.
by Tony Snow
http://www.ctlibrary.com/47315

Thursday

We had the transfusion this morning then a doctor visit.
The doctor said:
Mondays CT showed the cancer has increased enormously. What was (2 months ago) spots on the liver is now a liver consumed with cancer. Same with the bone and lung. Treatment is not helping at all. Lung fluid removed yesterday was cancer. They've canceled any future treatment. Mike has maybe 2-3 months left to live and they've refered us over to hospice for home health for the remaining time.

Wednesday

Everything went okay today. They removed the fluid from Mike's lung with no problems. Bloodwork showed his count way too low though so the doctor has ordered a transfusion for tomorrow morning at 8. After that, a doctor appointment then chemo (if the doc doesn't postpone it).
Long day, we didn't get to the motel till after 6.

Tuesday

The nurse called today with news of the CT scan. Mike has 'severe' fluid in his lung. We have an appointment tomorrow to have it drained. Afterwards he's not allowed to be farther than 30 minutes away from the hospital so we'll be spending the night in Little Rock. Then thursday we have the normal doctors appointment and chemo. If all goes well we'll be home late thursday afternoon.

Monday Morning

Mike's Birthday is next monday, July 30th. He'll be 45. If anyone wants to send him a card that would be great because it's most likely his last one.

On the way to Little Rock for anemia shot and CT scan.

Fri/Sat/Sun

Yardwork, Errands, Laundry, Naps. That's about it.
Talked to a firewood guy saturday about cutting us some wood for the winter.
Mike sat on the porch for a few hours sunday, a big day for him.

Tues/Wed/Thursday

Not much happening. Mike's feeling a little better. He's wasting away though, not eating - he just has no appetite. One Ensure or one yogurt and he's pretty much full for the day.
I'm still trying to catch up with yardwork and house stuff.
Next medical appointment is monday for anemia shot and CT scan.

Monday

Went to Little Rock for the anemia shot. Left home at 8 and got back at 1:30 for a 30 second shot.
I woke up tired today, after we got home Mike watched TV and I took a 4 hour nap.

Weekend

I worked on the yard all weekend. It's a mess after 4 weeks of daily trips to Little Rock, 4 weeks of almost daily rain, and a broken mower. Mike tried to help by mowing a little but it wasn't worth it. He suffered all saturday afternoon and evening for it. He won't admit when he's in extra pain but I can tell.

Friday

Friday was the Last Radiation Day. Thank God.
It's been a rough 4 weeks. Really hard on Mike, I'm not sure if the treatments harmed or helped more. His pain is better but he's too weak.
Next week all we have is an appointment monday morning for the anemia shot so he'll have 10 days more or less to recuperate before CT scans, labwork, chemo, etc. the following week.

Thursday

Thursday was uneventful. A trip to Little Rock and back for radiation then it rained all afternoon at home.

Wednesday

Easy and quick trip today. No rain. Yay.
Nothing else new.

Tuesday

Tuesday was better. Rainy but not storming. We just had a quick radiation appointment.
We have a new routine now. I get the coffeemaker ready at night, and Mike pushes the button in the morning to turn it on then calls to wake me. When we're ready to go I drive the truck up to the porch to pick him up. Once we get to the appointment I leave him at the truck and get a wheelchair to bring him in. Repeat in reverse.
I'm hoping that when the radiation is over (friday is the last day. for now anyway.) he won't be so weak. We'll see. The nurse said today that the effects won't start wearing off for 2-3 weeks. By then he'll be back on chemo.

Monday

Today was another hell day. We got halfway to Little Rock this morning and it started storming. By the time we got to town, half the roads were flooded. Good thing we have a big truck or we wouldn't have gotten through. We got wet going into the radiation center and of course it was freezing in there. I got Mike a blanket then we waited (frozen) for what seemed forever because the electric had cut out and they had to reboot the radiation machines. We left there and went to his appointment for the anemia shot - 45 minutes late. We waited THERE 2 hours. Once we're finaly out of there and on the way home, it started REALLY storming. Visibility was about 10 feet, the traffic on the interstate was 40mph. We made it home cranky (me) and worn out (him).

Weekend

Nothing new. Mike's feeling a little better, not much. He's soooo weak and frail. It's pitiful.
I spent the weekend trying to get the mower going, no luck.
Overall an extremely usless and frustrating 2 days.

Friday

Nothing new. A repeat of yesterday.

Thursday

Thursday was a bad day for Mike. His one thing he's been still able to do is make the coffee in the morning then come wake me. He couldn't even do that. He had to call to me to wake me up.
It really broke my heart to see how upset and frustrated he was.
When we got to the radiation center I had to get a wheelchair to bring him in and to the back. Later in the day he had to rest after going from the couch to his chair (3 feet).

Wednesday

Dwayne, Becky, Joe, Mike, Mom

Mike and Mom

Mike and Dena

Tuesday

Little Rock was half flooded and still storming so I canceled the radiation appointment. Mike slept all day, still catching up from the weekend. I did a little house cleaning and took a nap.

Monday

We thought today would be an easy trip to Little Rock then we'd come home and rest. Ha.
We had a radiation treatment (10 minutes) then an anemia shot (5 minutes). Weeeellll, after the radiation the doctor wanted to check on him. We waited 45 minutes for that. Went over to the infusion center and they had a new computer system and were backed up. We waited over 3 hours. So for 15 minutes of treatment we left home at 7:30 and got back at 4:30.

Weekend

Seeing Mike's mom was nice but the weekend was just way too exausting for Mike (and me too!). Because they came on friday we never had a chance to rest up after all week in Little Rock.
Mike's mom stayed with us, everyone else stayed in a motel in Clinton. (Cousin Dwayne, his girlfriend Becky, and friend Joe). Everyone else left for the motel by 8:30-9 every night so that was good. But mom kept us up till midnight every night. HOURS past our regular bedtime.
They left late afternoon sunday, Mike went to sleep instantly. Good thing 'cause Mom called at midnight to tell us they'd made it home. So we didn't sleep much sunday either.

Friday

Fridays radiation was another quick and easy trip. It was the 7th radiation so we have 8 to go. With next wednesday off that means the final one would be thursday of week after next.
Mike's mom got here safe and sound but late, 8:30. So we had a long day. Didn't get to bed till almost midnight.

Thursday

Thursdays radiation was quick and easy again.
I got the truck fixed then mowed a little since it's not raining. Talked to Mike's mom, she'll be here friday afternoon till sunday. His cousin is driving her.

Tuesday/Wednesday

Rain, rain, and more rain. Ugh.
Tuesday and wednesday radiation appointments went well. Mike says it's helping the pain already.
I'm just busy trying to keep up with my normal stuff while going to Little Rock everyday. Yesterday I had to take the truck into the shop to find out what was wrong with it, today I have an appointment to get it fixed. I sure don't need it breaking down right now.

Monday

Today we had a radiation appointment then an appointment at the infusion center for the anemia shot. It would've been pretty quick except for the time between appointments and the wait at the infusion center. (Mike had his first wheelchair ride with me driving, I don't think he was too impressed. Ha.)
Tomorrow is only radiation so it'll be a short day.

Weekend

The weekend was cruddy. It stormed most of saturday and sunday so we were stuck in the house. Mike wasn't doing too well, he spent both days in his recliner dozing in and out.

Friday

Fridays appointment went really quick and easy. Mike was expecting an hour or more of torture (laying on his back - on the painful lump - on a metal table = excruciating pain), that's what they'd told him thursday. Instead he got what they said will be the usual treatment from now on, a 5 minute zap. We were in and out in 15 minutes. Whew.

Thursday

Mike & Tux

Nothing new today, went to a radiation appointment, another one tomorrow. I took this picture this morning.

Wednesday

Yesterday was the first appointment at the radiation center. They did the prep and a scan and decided on an initial treatment of 3 weeks starting tomorrow. It might change to 6 weeks but for now we're scheduled for 15 treatments, every day except weekends. Mike is frail and weak, I'm hoping the everyday trips to Little Rock don't wear him out too much. They have some possible housing options but it's better if we can be home. We'll just have to see how it goes.

They offered a wheelchair for the days he also has appointments at the cancer center too (about a block away). So that'll be easier on him than if I drove him and he had to get in and out of the truck then walk to the doctors offices.

They weighed him too, and he's lost 20 pounds in 2 months. I'd been wondering why the scales hadn't shown any weight loss but I could see it. Must have been the fluid build up. He's still pretty swollen, can't wear his shoes or wedding ring, but not half as much as before.

And.......

Here's one from better times.

Monday/Tuesday

Here's a picture I took of Mike last wednesday. Yes, he looks bad, but actually the picture is better than he looks in person. He's looking pretty rough after the last chemo treatment.

Saturday/Sunday

Happy Fathers Day!
Another quiet weekend here, it's too hot and muggy to do anything outside.
Mike's still feeling pretty good, the fluid pills are starting to work now that he's okayed by the doctor to take 2 at a time. His feet and legs are getting close to normal again.

Friday

Yesterday we had the appointments. Lab, Doctor, Chemo. When we saw the doctor he sent Mike for an ultrasound to make sure the foot and leg swelling wasn't because of a blood clot. (It wasn't). He also addressed the lump on Mike's back where most of the pain is. He's going to try radiation on that spot. The first radiation appointment is tuesday and it's supposed to be 5 days in a row. I'm not sure if it's ONE 5 day treatment or a series of 5 day treatments, we'll find out tuesday. (I wasn't sure which the doctor meant). He wants Mike to come in once a week for a shot for anemia too, so it looks like we'll be on the road a lot for awhile.

Other than all that, Mike says he's feeling pretty good. He's been eating, not much at a time, but regularly.

Thursday

Almost 7 o'clock and we're just getting home. Loooong day and we're exhausted. I'll fill in the details in the morning. Nothing's wrong, I'm just tired. I'm only checking in now so nobody worries we're in the hospital again or something.

Wednesday

Today was another pretty good day. Perfect weather again and Mike came outside for awhile. This morning he took the clippers to his head and cut his hair 'almost' all off. Eeeek. Better than letting it fall out in in clumps though. His legs and feet are more swollen now even with the water pills so it's good we're going to the doctor tomorrow.

Tuesday

Today was a good day. Perfect weather and Mike took a walk around the yard with me then sat on the porch for awhile. Doesn't sound like much but it was really great to have him out and about. He's starting to lose his hair now so I took that last picture just in time. Tomorrow we'll give him a short haircut.

Monday

We have our new appointments. Thursday - Lab at 10:15am, Doctor at 11:40am, Chemo at 12:30pm. Chemo takes 2 hours, if all goes well we'll be leaving home at 8:15 and home around 4:30.

Yes, Mike is pale. He hasn't been outside lately except to sit on the porch for a few minutes. The new pain pills (morphine 100mg, 2x a day) work for the pain but leave him pretty tired most of the time. When he's not napping he doesn't have the strength to walk farther than a few feet - to the kitchen or bathroom - without getting worn out.

Sunday

I finaly got Mike to sit outside for a photo today. Not great but here it is.

Pics

Tuxie in Cadron Creek

Cadron Creek

You can click the photos for full size.

Friday/Saturday

I haven't been able to sign in to Blogger again.
Friday was another rainy day all day. (It doesn't look like we'll be complaining about drought this year). Everything is lush and green.
Saturday I needed to get out of the house for awhile and took Tuxie for a hike down to the creek. I'll post a couple of pictures later.
Today I'll probably get back to yardwork now that it's dried up a bit.
Mike's been spending pretty much 24 hours a day in his recliner, dozing off and on.
The leg swelling is a side effect of the chemo but probably from not moving around enough too.

Thursday

Yesterday was a long but uneventful day. Mike had about 15 minutes of medical stuff but we were at the hospital till 5 and not home till almost 7. Lab tests showed he had a low blood (hemoglobin?) count so they gave him a shot for anemia. His legs and feet are swollen so they gave him a diuretic prescription. Doctor seemed suprised that the chemo hadn't made him sick. Next appointment will be next week, probably thursday, for the 2nd chemo treatment.

Wednesday Morning

Nothing new. I spent the day yesterday doing yardwork, Mike came outside for awhile and did a few things. Today is doctor day. I'll report in after.

Monday Morning

We had a quiet weekend, as usual. Mike is feeling a little better. He's able to eat, comfy in the recliner, and the new pain pills are working better than the patch did. He's weaker than ever though. Tires out walking from one room to the other.
We have a new doctors appointment wednesday. Not sure if there's chemo or not.

Friday Morning

Grand Canyon

I'm still having trouble signing in to blogger so if I miss a day, that's why.

I bought a recliner yesterday, Mike is finally resting in comfort. He hasn't been able to sleep in bed in a long time and the couch wasn't great either. So FINALY he has a place to sleep. Also, he's been able to eat snacks the last couple of days. That's good.

I've been trying to make the updates not too depressing but the fact is, he's not doing too good. I see him wasting away before my very eyes. Every day it takes less and less to wear him out. We're hoping and praying that the chemo will help but after only one treatment it's hard to say what's going to happen. From what I've read about Stage 4 lung cancer and what the doctors have told us - treatment is only to increase the length and quality of life. And not by much. His doctor says the best we can hope for is a year to a year and a half, with treatment. Unless he stops going downhill soon I just don't see him lasting nearly that long.

Wednesday

I couldn't sign in to blogger all day. Ugh.
Another rainy and lazy day today. Yesterday I went shopping and bought Mike some easy eating snack type food. Ramen noodles, yogurt, olives, cereal bars, corn dogs, etc. Nothing nutritious but it's better than not eating at all. So far, so good. Tomorrow I'll be shopping for a recliner so he can have a comfortable place to rest. The only times he's been comfortable lately has been in the recliners at the hospital.

Tuesday Morning

Mike's temp is down to 98.9 this morning, yesterday it stayed around 100. The biggest problem right now is that for the last couple of weeks every time he tries to eat, he vomits. Not because of the chemo, chemo day and the 2 days after were the only times he didn't. He looks like he's lost about 15 pounds but the scale at the doctors office thursday said 5. Yesterday was a really bad day for me emotionally. Sorry about the non post.

Monday

Nothing new today.

Sunday

Quiet day today. It rained this morning, we spent most of the day napping.
Have been keeping an eye on Mike's temperature since last night. It's fluxuating between 100.2 and 100.8. (We're supposed to call the hospital if he ever has a temp of 101 or more). Could be fatigue from the trip. Other than that, everything's fine. The new pain pills seem to work better than the patch did.

Saturday

We're back from Mena. It was a pretty easy trip, 4 hours but it's a gorgeous scenic drive with no traffic. A bit tiring for Mike but not too bad, all he had to do was ride in the truck then hang out in the motel yesterday and ride home today. He doesn't seem to be having any side effects from the chemo so far. Hope I didn't speak too soon.

Friday Morning

Mike seems to be feeling pretty well still. But the 100mg morphine has him kinda spacey. It'll take a few days to get accustomed to I guess.
I have to go to Mena today for the camp closing. I was going to leave Mike at home and drive back today but I'm too nervous about leaving him alone for 10-12 hours in case he needs me. So I rented a room and he'll go with me. We'll stay overnight and come back tomorrow.

Thursday

Just got back from the hospital, whew, long day. Saw the doctor and he changed Mike's medicine from the fentanyl patch to morphine pill 100mg twice daily (plus the 15mg morphine pills he was already taking - as needed inbetween). The chemo went well as far as we can tell. A pretty easy procedure - they just put you in a recliner and have an IV drip into the I-Port. Takes about 2 hours.
They'll be informing us when the next appointment is. I *think* we'll have a doctors appointment in 10-12 days and next chemo should be in about 3 weeks.

Wednesday

Top of the mountain. Mena, Arkansas

Another quiet day. Mike went to his shop for a bit, I puttered in the house then took the truck in for service. Tomorrow is the 1st chemo, will report in after.

Tuesday

Quiet day today, it's raining. Mike is feeling pretty good, as good as it gets anyway. His medicine schedule got messed up at the hospital but he's back to normal now. Morphine doesn't seem to be all it's cracked up to be - he says it's no different than the tylenol3. Works okay if you stick to a strict schedule of 2 pills every 4 hours but if he gets off schedule or a lesser dose (like in the hospital) it's no good.
Our new appointment for doctor visit and chemo is thursday at 11:30 and 12:30.

Monday

I haven't posted a picture in awhile. Here's Mike playing in a waterfall in Colorado.

No news today. Mike's been resting. I'm catching up on household stuff.

Home Sweet Home

We're home! Whew!
Mike says he's feeling pretty good, maybe he can get some rest now.
Forgot to mention earlier, the collapsed lung was caused by the instalation of the I-Port. It's a rare (1 in a thousand) complication.

Sunday Morning

They removed the chest tube at 5am this morning. Everything seems fine and Mike is in xray right now for a scan. If it looks good, they're supposed to discharge him soon. I sure hope so, we're desperate to get out of here and go home. I don't think he's slept more than 5 minutes at a time in the last 2 days.
Mike's back already, says they'll let us know something in an hour or so.

Saturday Afternoon

We're still at the hospital. Tube is supposed to be removed tomorrow morning and we'll be going home tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully.

We never had the doctors appointment or chemo yesterday. They canceled everything and rescheduled it for the 24th.

Saturday AM

Yesterday when they were putting in the I-Port Mike's lung collapsed. They inserted a tube and checked him into the hospital. Scared us both to death. He spent a painful day and night. This morning he's a bit better. They'll x-ray and if everything looks okay, remove the tube. If all goes well they MIGHT release him this afternoon, but probably not. Most likely it'll be sometime tomorrow or maybe even monday. (They want to make sure he'll be fine because we live so far).
I'm just home to check on the dogs and shower and change. I'm bringing my laptop with me to the hospital, don't know yet if I'll be able to hook up. If I can I'll update when I know anything new. Otherwise I'll report in when we get home.

Thursday

Today I bushogged, first time I've been on the tractor in years. Since I met Mike he's done that kind of thing. Looks like I still know how, ha. Mike isn't feeling too good today so he stayed in the house. He's probably stressed for the big hospital day tomorrow. It'll be a long day and the first chemo. Neither of us is looking forward to it but we're hoping it'll help. Doctor says it'll ease the pain, I sure hope so.

Correction

Well, I guess I phrased that wrong. What I meant to say is that Mike is working on the box (urn) for our cremation ashes. We plan to both be cremated and both of our ashes will (eventually) be in the same box. So - he's making ONE box, for TWO peoples ashes, not necessarily put in it at the same time.

Wednesday

Yesterday Mike hooked up the tractor to the bush-hog for me so I can cut the driveway and out front by the highway. It's looking pretty shaggy. Then he worked in the shop for a bit. He's building the cremation box for our ashes. That's distressing to me but has to be done I guess.
I weeded, weedeated, and mowed until the mower blades got too dull. This morning I was planning on finishing mowing (after Mike sharpens the blades if he's up to it) and then bush-hogging but it rained all night, everything's wet this morning so I'll run my errands instead.
Nothing new medically.

Monday

Just got back from the hospital for the new CT scan. It went pretty easily except the long walk from the parking deck to radiology and back wore Mike out. We had to stop so he could sit and rest each way. Hard to believe just a few months ago he was hiking the mountain.

Sunday

Not much going on this weekend. Mike went to his shop yesterday and today. About an hour wears him out, but it's great when he feels up to getting out of the house. I did a little yardwork and housework. We both napped alot.

Forgot to mention earlier, chemo will be every 3 weeks for now. That doesn't sound too bad.

Friday

Yesterday was the first appointment with the new doctor (Dr. Agarwal) at the new hospital. ACRC at UAMS (Arkansas Cancer Research Center @ University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences - http://www.uams.edu/ ). They changed Mike's pain pills from Tylenol3 to morphine. Why the first doctor gave Tylenol to someone with cancer in the liver?! - who knows.
Monday we have an appt for a new CT scan at 2:30pm, the first on was chest only and he wants a full body scan. Friday we have an appointment for an installation of an I-Port (to inject the chemo) at 9am, Dr appointment at 1:30pm, and the first chemo treatment at 2pm.
Today I'm going back to the original doctor in Conway to pick up the films of the MRI and Bone Scan that were supposed to be sent to the new doctors office but weren't. Mike is resting, his pain patch wore out yesterday and the new one hasn't caught up yet so he's feeling pretty bad.

Thursday News

Just got back from the new doctor. The news is as bad as could be imagined. Stage IV, 3-4 months without treatment, a year to a year and a half with treatment. Treatment starts next week. More details tomorrow morning. I'm not up for typing right now.

Monday - P.M.

Here's a couple of pictures of our house I took today for anyone who hasn't seen it yet. (you can click the pics for full size).
Just got the phone call from the new doctor. The appointment is thursday at 1. Hopefully I'll know something new thursday evening.

Monday - A.M.

Nothing new this morning. We had a pretty quiet weekend. My friend Roxann drove over saturday, we had a short but nice visit and a hike down the mountain to check on the ginseng seeds Mike and I planted last fall. (They're growing - yay!!). Sunday I mowed all day, Mike went to his shop for a little while. First time in over a month, so that's good.
Today we're waiting to hear when our appointment with the new doctor for treatment is.

Friday

We spent the day in Conway for the new tests. It went well, nothing invasive or painful. When we got home we had a message from the doctor's office about the referral to the cancer specialist. We'll be going to UAMS in Little Rock for treatment. The bad news is it's far, the good news is it's where my neighbor Floyd is (for HIS cancer treatment. sigh). Floyd told me a couple of weeks ago that UAMS was the best cancer hospital around and we should try to go there. We should be getting a call monday about when treatment starts with the new doctor and hospital. In the meantime we'll be enjoying a weekend of NO medical events.

Thursday - P.M.

We went to the doctors office today for the biopsy results and he told us Mike has lung cancer that's moved into the bone. Duh! You told us that two weeks ago!! He referred us back to the hospital for a Bone Scan and a Brain MRI. He wants to see how far it's spread into the bone and make sure it's not going into the brain. (No specific reason for that except he says lung cancer has a tendency to go there). The appointment is tomorrow. After the results come back he'll refer us to a cancer specialist for treatment.

Thursday - A.M.

Off to the doctor, hopefully I'll have some new (and better) news this afternoon. That's Mike sitting in the arch in Utah.

Tuesday - No News

I called the hospital this afternoon like they told me to. They said they had the biopsy results but we'd have to talk to Mike's doctor about it. Called the doctor and we have an appointment thursday morning. So I won't have any news to report until thursday afternoon sometime. Ugh.

Monday

Today looks like a beautiful day and there's nothing on the schedule so I'm going to try to get some yard work and gardening done.

Weekend

Saturday our friends LeeRay and Damon and their daughters Jennifer and Hannah came to visit from Louisiana. We SO appreciated them driving 8 hours each way for a one day visit. It REALLY cheered Mike. Mid-day when Mike took a nap we went to Floyd's pond to fish (no luck) and played in the waterfall.
Sunday we spent the day napping mostly. It's been a long week.

Biopsy Day

Yesterday was biopsy day. We left home at 7 to be there for our appointment at 8:30. Once we signed in they told us our appointment wasn't untill 11 and the procedure would be at 1. So we had a long day in the hospital. Mike was in excruciating pain because the 1/2 patch had worn out. They gave him a shot of demerol then morphine. After that he was okay. Meanwhile, I went to the doctors office and got him a new prescription of the pain patch but at half the previous dose. He's feeling good this morning so this dose must be the right one. We should have the biopsy results tuesday afternoon.

Pain Meds

I talked to the nurse yesterday. The doctor can't give us any new medicine while the old prescription is still active - federal regulations. However, she said we could try cutting the pain patch (we still had an unused one) in half and using half at a time. That seems to be working with no ill effects. Yay!

Rainy Day

Another rainy day today. I'll be waiting on a call from the doctor this morning about the pain medicine. When I talked to the nurse yesterday she said she'd get with the doctor and call in something new. The patch was too strong and the pills (Tylenol3) don't work. Hopefully they'll come up with something inbetween.
I started Mike on Essiac tea yesterday. Even if it doesn't help the cancer, it's a good cleansing tea to help negate the toxic effects of chemo and radiation. If you've never heard of it you can read about it here: http://www.cancer-info.com/essiac.htm

Phone Call

Finaly got the phone call after waiting all day again. Biopsy is friday morning so I imagine we won't know the results till mid next week.

So, here we are.......

First post here, I hope it works out. And I have to warn everyone I'm a horrible writer. But I'll do my best to keep the updates coherent.

I'm a little behind so I'll start with friday and write up to today. After this I'll be able to post in real time.

FRIDAY:

We got the news. It's horrible. Cancer. Lung, Bone, Liver. Inoperable. The doctor makes it sound like it's last stages. He says he's never seen anything like it in a man so young (44). His main concern is keeping Mike comfortable so he gave him a pain patch and some pain pills. He advised him to visit his family. He's scheduling a biopsy and says there may be some hope with chemo and radiation. We're shocked and devastated. On the good side, the doctor is very kind and compassionate, we got lucky being refereed to him.

SATURDAY:

We have to tell people. THAT sucks. It's extremely difficult for me to talk about it without breaking down. My neighbor Floyd described the situation best - "It's like getting hit in the face with a baseball bat".

The pain patch works well but it's obviously too strong. Mike vomited all day, couldn't keep even a sip of water down. We took it off.

SUNDAY:

Not much going on, Mike's still queasy from the patch but feeling better. We're just trying to cope.

MONDAY:

Monday was a very bad day for both of us emotionaly. We spent the entire day waiting by the phone for the biopsy appointment. I finaly called the doctor around 3:30, they were still waiting on the radiologist to call back.

Mike is weak. He cooked dinner, just to get off the couch and DO something. It wore him out.

TUESDAY:

So here we are at tuesday. Another day by the phone I guess.